you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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