I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I came so hard my ears popped.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
