My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
