You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
