worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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