This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
