Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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