if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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