There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
