Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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