you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
