Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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