everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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