DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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