There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
