Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
