Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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