I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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