I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
