I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So here I am, sexting at work.
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