Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
