I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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