i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
