u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize