that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's always time for handjobs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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