i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
