remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
