I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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