When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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