I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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