If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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