I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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