Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
