Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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