actually, I'm a sock model
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
