Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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