I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he shaved USA in his pubs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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