So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
