I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
