Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
