i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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