Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize