can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
