I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
