Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
