you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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