i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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