she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
