saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
