Are we in a gay sports bar?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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