There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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