Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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