Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
