You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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