oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
