just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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