i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
