Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
