I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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