garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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