other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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