That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
