cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
