ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
