Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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