I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
