haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
