why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
