everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
