Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
