sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
