Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
