Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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